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17 Reasons Eggs Should Be Banned From Everyone's Stomachs

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Fight me.

There are many things in life that I hate (like people), but there’s nothing I despise more than your breakfast fave, eggs.

There are many things in life that I hate (like people), but there's nothing I despise more than your breakfast fave, eggs.

divademita_87 / Via instagram.com

For one, what are eggs anyway? An unformed chicken fetus? I’ll pass, but thanks.

For one, what are eggs anyway? An unformed chicken fetus? I'll pass, but thanks.

Twitter: @Steinbukken_

You also have to crack ’em, which is one more step than I’m willing to take for this trash food.

You also have to crack 'em, which is one more step than I'm willing to take for this trash food.

Twitter: @CookingClaire

And that’s if they didn’t already get destroyed on your way home from the grocery store.

And that's if they didn't already get destroyed on your way home from the grocery store.

Twitter: @_naomikuhn_

They smell like a septic tank that’s dangerously full.

They smell like a septic tank that's dangerously full.

Twitter: @elellie

They also have a default taste of NOTHING and a texture that’s not even worth describing.

They also have a default taste of NOTHING and a texture that's not even worth describing.

Twitter: @RogueIRL

Sure, eggs are versatile, but who thought runny eggs were a cute option? They violate all the food around them!

Sure, eggs are versatile, but who thought runny eggs were a cute option? They violate all the food around them!

Twitter: @Margaret0105200

A lightly cooked egg also puts you at risk for salmonella. Yea, lemme just die for an over-easy egg.

A lightly cooked egg also puts you at risk for salmonella. Yea, lemme just die for an over-easy egg.

Twitter: @EliseShrock

You can also thank that egg for ruining cookie dough.

You can also thank that egg for ruining cookie dough.

Apart from the flour, of course. I'm well-versed on cookie dough!

abcnews.go.com

People feel the need to add eggs to every single breakfast and brunch dish known to humankind.

People feel the need to add eggs to every single breakfast and brunch dish known to humankind.

Twitter: @alicehanratty

They also mock me every damn Christmas. I’M LOOKING AT YOU, SMUG-FACED EGGNOG.

They also mock me every damn Christmas. I'M LOOKING AT YOU, SMUG-FACED EGGNOG.

Twitter: @cabot_phillips

And if you thought I’d be safe from eggs in the summer, nopeee. Someone had to go and ruin June 3rd for all of us.

And if you thought I'd be safe from eggs in the summer, nopeee. Someone had to go and ruin June 3rd for all of us.

Google

Scrambled eggs look like the bits and chunks of a college student’s drunken vomit.

Scrambled eggs look like the bits and chunks of a college student's drunken vomit.

Twitter: @LeoNor53

And a boiled egg has the power to transform a delicious dish into a problematic mess.

And a boiled egg has the power to transform a delicious dish into a problematic mess.

Twitter: @Amberexia

I, however, draw the line at poached eggs. My gag reflex can’t take it.

I, however, draw the line at poached eggs. My gag reflex can't take it.

Twitter: @brckcnstrings

Torture contraptions are being built to summon these egg demons, and frankly, I don’t need a turd lookin’ egg in my life.

Torture contraptions are being built to summon these egg demons, and frankly, I don't need a turd lookin' egg in my life.

BuzzFeed

*vomits violently in mouth*

*vomits violently in mouth*

Twitter: @whatsamadder

Excuse me, while I wipe my memory of these vile, vile images.

Excuse me, while I wipe my memory of these vile, vile images.

Twitter: @hardliqourmix

All you egg lovers out there can do as you please, but I’m not trying to eggs-ecute my appetite.

All you egg lovers out there can do as you please, but I'm not trying to eggs-ecute my appetite.

Yes, that's an egg pun. I know, hilarious.

FOX

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