I Squeal For Ice Cream:
My vegetarian sister made me mad about something so I put pork juice in her dish of ice cream, sat back, and watched her eat every. single. bite. When she didn’t feel good later, I convinced her she was lactose intolerant.
When my sister and I were little we both loved playing The Sims. She spent a long time making a family with a husband that looked like her real-life crush. Well, she did something to piss me off one day, so I made a Sim, struck up a friendship with her Sim husband, married him, killed his wife, and adopted their dog. When she logged back in there was just a tombstone on the lot.
The Shitty Initials:
I was 11 when my parents had my little brother. They allowed me to help me select his name. Our last name is Smith. The name I selected for my brother is “Austin Samuel.” My brother’s name is now Austin Samuel Smith. It took my parents until he was three years old to figure out his initials are “A.S.S.”
Guinea Pig Chips:
One time when we were in elementary school, I was mad at my sister so I got her a bag of chocolate chips and mixed in some guinea pig poop. She ate the entire thing.
The Dead Tooth:
I sat on my brother’s head, which somehow caused him to bite down funny, which killed the roots of his tooth! It turned brown and had to be pulled. Oops.
The Chocolate Surprise:
I gave my 13-year-old brother chocolate laxatives and didn’t tell him what they really were. He shit himself in target.
My siblings were cruel. I don’t even remember what I did to make them mad, but my two sisters and brother (all older) thought it would be a good idea to bind and gag me, then bury me in the snow. My parents came home from work and they had to take me to the ER. I have scars from the cold. They left me out there for at least an hour.
Taste the Rainbow:
I convinced my sister when she was three that the crayons that were named after foods actually tasted like that food. I later found her crying with a mouthful of chewed crayon.
The Bed Wetter:
My little brother used to wet the bed, so my older brother would pee on the side of his bed to make him think he wet it when he didn’t.
The Brow Bro:
My brother shaved off my left eyebrow the day before my seventh grade Valentine’s Day dance.
The Fast and the Curious:
When I was a kid, I convinced my older sister that if she put a car key in a wall plug, she’d be able to drive the house. She didn’t get electrocuted, but my mom and dad got really suspicious when they saw how high the electric bill was.
The Unforgivable Sin:
I ate my sister’s entire can of cheddar Pringles.
The Soft Landing:
I pushed my little brother off the swing on our swing set. He landed on his ass and starting screaming because he shit his pants. I’ll never forget how hard he cried.
The Hard Landing:
I once told my younger brother that the laundry chute was just like a water slide and somehow convinced him to go down it. He ended up falling head first down two floors and hitting his head on the washing machine so hard he dented it. He was fine after a while, but my mom was not pleased.
My Greatest Weaknesses Are:
I was unemployed for a couple of months after I graduated high school and was sending out resumes like crazy. I wasn’t getting any call backs and didn’t know why. Little did I know, my brother had edited my resume and added things like “failed Bio,” “Not very friendly,” “Barely graduated high school,” “hates people,” and so on. It wasn’t until I printed a few to hand out that I saw what he did.
The Yellow Drink:
One time I scooped some pee out of the toilet into a cup, said it was apple juice, and told my sister to drink it. She did, and started screaming.
The Spin Cycle:
I talked my sister into climbing into the dryer and then turned it on for maybe five seconds.
Pee Pee Face:
We always had dogs growing up. Once when there was a puddle on our wood stairs, I made my little sister smell it to see if it was pee. When she did, I pushed her face into it (It was pee).
Did Eye Do That:
I convinced my sister that she could turn her blue eyes green with a drop or two of yellow food coloring. Apparently it burns a lot!