Scottish Food, Explained For Americans

A chippy is a shop that sells chips, but not the things that you call chips, because we call them crisps. Although some chippies also sell crisps. Hope that helps!

Firstly, this is porridge. You call it oatmeal, which to be fair is a better name for it because it’s a meal of oats.

It's essentially Scotland's national dish, and was invented by crofters in Times of Yore, or possibly Yesteryear. Joy-phobic people put salt on theirs, but the wisest Scots top it with cream and whisky (whisky is a breakfast food in Scotland).

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Sometimes, porridge is served as a sort of starter before the breakfast main course. The breakfast main course is called a “full Scottish,” and contains the most important food groups: namely carbs, meats, and crunchy bits.

The exact make up of a traditional Scottish breakfast is debatable, and fights have broken out about it many times, usually in brightly-lit pubs the size of an aircraft hangar that serve £1 cocktails with names like Cystitis On The Beach.

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Sometimes, the meat group is represented by haggis, a sort of sexually suggestive pudding made with ground animal organs, (misc.), oats, (???), and spices.

Just look at the cleft on that.

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